


Family

by nanuk_dain



Series: Drift Compatible [45]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Chuck-feels, Cuddling, Decontamination Showers, Drifting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 12:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13341375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: Herc tells Chuck about Stacker's drift-dream world and Raleigh has to deal with the consequences.





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, life is slowly getting a hold of me again, but my Muse is handing out ideas like mad right now, so here's the next fic. Prepare for the Chuck-feelz! XD I hope you like it! ^^

_Hong Kong Shatterdome, January 25th 2025_

 

Raleigh paces up and down in the hallway in front of the drift research lab waiting for Chuck to arrive. At lunch Herc had asked to speak to Chuck, so Raleigh left them alone once they were done eating, but not without passing a reassuring hand over the nape of Chuck's neck. It hadn't been too difficult to pick up on the unease Chuck felt, but Raleigh has a feeling that whatever Herc wants to tell Chuck, it's not a bad thing. Now, while pacing in the hallway and wondering where Chuck is, Raleigh isn't quite so sure anymore. It's not like Chuck to be late.

Raleigh stops to glance at his watch, then he picks up pacing again. His hand flickers to the thigh pocket of his cargo pants, feeling the roughly rectangular shape of the little box he's put in there. He's nervous. Not just because of the talk between Herc and Chuck, but because of the little gift he has for Chuck. He hopes that he got the right thing for him, that he'll like it. The keychain of Gipsy Danger 2.0 is beautifully crafted, but that's not what's important. It's the gesture, and since Raleigh has never given Chuck a gift before, he's not sure what to expect. Maybe he should have picked Striker Eureka instead of Gipsy? There's no doubt that she's Chuck's Jaeger, but Raleigh wanted to give him something they're both connected to, something they'd shared, something that's _theirs_. 

Raleigh stops and rolls his left shoulder carefully, trying to ease the constant throbbing that hasn't left since this morning's training session. He's not sure if he overdid it or if it's a result of the reduction of the meds. It might be a bit of both. He's not willing to ask for any kind of pain relief, though, because he's too much looking forward to getting rid of the drugs. _Any_ kind of drugs, but especially those causing his disorientation and loss of memory. _If_ it's actually a side effect of the drugs. He desperately hopes so, but he's not quite sure. Maybe the drift simulation that Doc Lightcap wants to do with them in a few minutes will clarify the situation.

It's why he's waiting for Chuck in the hallway outside the drift lab, actually, instead of inside. He wants to give Chuck the keychain _before_ the drift, because he knows that drifting is going to ruin the surprise. There's no way Chuck wouldn't see it in their drift, and Raleigh wants to catch him out of the blue with his little gift. Of course, in order for him to do that, Chuck has to show up first.

Raleigh takes the little box out of his pocket and looks at it for a moment. It's really beautifully made, even the details of the Jaeger bay it's supposed to resemble are accurate. Raleigh smiles at it and trails his fingertips over the bay doors with their black-and-yellow stripes. He's really grateful to Sasha that she managed to find this keychain. He has no idea how she did it. She's amazing. And maybe a tad scary.

Raleigh looks up and down the hallway, but Chuck is nowhere in sight, so he starts pacing again. It's not like that will make Chuck arrive any faster, but it helps Raleigh to deal with his nerves. He fears that if Chuck comes any later, he won't have time to give him the keychain before the drift, and that would really screw up his plan. Just when he feels like the frustration will get the better of him, Raleigh sees Chuck come around the corner. He's walking fast and his steps are clipped, and even without the feelings transmitting over the ghost drift Raleigh can tell that Chuck is agitated. Not necessarily upset, but confused and overwhelmed and a bit wary as if he doesn't know what to do with himself. Or with whatever it is that Herc told him. 

Raleigh meets him halfway down the hallway. "You okay?" 

"Yeah... I think." Chuck replies, a slight frown on his face. "I'll tell you later. We have to get to the meeting with Doc Lightcap."

"We've got a few minutes before we're supposed to be there." Raleigh reassures him and then reaches out to wrap his hand around Chuck's wrist and lets his thumb caress the pulse point. "What did your dad want to talk about? Nothing bad, I hope."

"No, not... _bad_." Chuck gently shakes his head as if to clear it. "More... strange. Unexpected."

Raleigh remains quiet and never stops passing his thumb over Chuck's pulse point. He feels how the touch calms Chuck, grounds him. 

"My dad told me about Pentecost's drift-dream. You remember, the one he hinted I 'loved' and then left me to brood about." Chuck makes a face, then he smirks. "You know what? I'll just show you in the drift, that's way easier than trying to explain the whole thing."

Raleigh nods in agreement. It's not a bad idea - Chuck is way better at transmitting his feelings than talking about them, after all. "Okay, let's do that."

"What's that in your hand?" Chuck asks out of the blue and Raleigh sees him looking at the little box that is mostly hidden in Raleigh's palm.

"Just a little something." Raleigh smiles, suddenly nervous again. He takes Chuck's hand and turns it with the palm facing upwards before he places the little box in his hand. "It's for you."

Chuck obviously didn't expect that at all, because he's looking at Raleigh like his words don't make sense, and he doesn't make a move to open the box. "For _me_?"

"It's called a 'gift', Charlie." Raleigh chuckles and smirks at Chuck. He's adorable when he's overwhelmed. "People do that when they like somebody, you know. Give them a gift."

"You got _me_ a _gift_?" 

"Yep, I did." Raleigh shrugs with the right shoulder, careful not to upset the left, and bites his lip before adding, "I want you to have something that I gave you." 

It seems that Chuck doesn't know what to say to that and Raleigh would have been worried that he did something wrong it if weren't for the amazed giddiness he feels coming over the ghost drift. Chuck already likes this surprise, even before he checked what it actually is.

"Open it." Raleigh encourages him when Chuck just remains standing in the hallway without doing much of anything other than trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Raleigh got him a present.

"Okay, okay." There's a smile full of anticipation on his face that makes him look years younger, and Raleigh likes how he seems to have forgotten about his not so good mood. He looks down and examines the box in his hand. "Is that a _Jaeger bay_?"

"Seems so." Raleigh replies with a teasing smirk. He can't wait to see what Chuck thinks of the tiny Jaeger model.

"You make it interesting." Chuck chuckles while he's opening the box. Then he freezes for a moment or two before almost reverently lifting out the keychain. He holds it up and turns it in his hands, examining it from every angle. 

"You got me Gipsy." Chuck's voice holds no reflection apart from surprise. 

Raleigh feels the nervousness raise its head again. "Do you like her?" 

It's like Chuck explodes. "She's so perfect! All the details are correct! Look at the way the exhaust vents are placed! And the cache for the sword on the left arm! Just like Mako redesigned Gipsy! Even the markings fit! See, the model number as well as the logo are a perfect rendering of the real ones!" 

Raleigh is too overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of enthusiasm to react, but that's not a problem because Chuck doesn't give him any time to reply. "This model is tiny and yet the accuracy is superb! This is never ever part of a commercial merchandise line. This is custom made! Where did you find her?"

"Sasha." Raleigh replies with a chuckle, pleased with himself and especially with Chuck's enthusiastic reaction that's so very obviously genuine. Chuck is a true Jaeger nerd, after all. He feels Chuck's pleasure over the ghost drift, bright and pulsating, and it's a beautiful feeling. Raleigh really likes a happy Chuck. 

"Sasha. Of course." Chuck nods knowingly. "There's nothing those Russians can't get, be it thermonuclear bombs or custom made keychains."

Raleigh can't help laughing at that, especially because it's true. "Oh yes, they're omnipotent. Fortunately, they're on our side."

"True. The alternative would be bad." Chuck slips the box in the pocket of his jacket and cradles little Gipsy in his hand, looking at her again. "Why Gipsy?"

"She's ours, after all." Raleigh shrugs. "Well, she was."

"Nope, she still is." Chuck corrects, stepping closer to Raleigh and pulling him in a heartfelt embrace. Then he leans in and presses a kiss behind Raleigh's ear. "Always will be, too. Our girl. And she did real good."

Raleigh relaxes in Chuck's arms and returns the embrace. Only now is the tension easing out of him, tension that he wasn't even aware he carried around. Knowing that Chuck understands what Raleigh wants to tell him with this gift is not only a relief, but also makes Raleigh feel at peace. "I'm glad you like her."

"I love her." Chuck buries his face against Raleigh's neck and Raleigh can feel the tip of his nose nestle against his throat. "Thank you, Rals." 

"You're welcome." Raleigh replies quietly, a smile on his lips. He's pressed against Chuck from head to toe, indulging in the feeling of warmth, comfort and contentedness that wraps around him not only in body, but also in mind. He doesn't ever want to move, he could just stay here like this forever, wrapped up in and around Chuck.

"Oh, there you are." It's unmistakably the voice of Doc Lightcap coming from somewhere down the hallway. Raleigh and Chuck step apart, not exactly like they got caught but still aware that it's not quite appropriate behaviour considering that they're here in a professional function. The Doc smiles at them as if to show that she doesn't mind and gestures towards the door to the lab. "Why don't you come in and I'll tell you the plan for today."

"Hey Doc." Raleigh greets her with an apologetic smile when he enters the lab. It feels like she intruded on a very intimate moment, and he knows it's not her fault, but his. Things like this belong in private quarters, not in the very much public hallways. It's not like Raleigh didn't know she was expecting them and would come looking if they didn't show.

"Sorry that we're late." Chuck says after a quick peek at his watch and Raleigh knows that he's slightly embarrassed. Raleigh can't quite tell whether it's because they're really five minutes late or because Doc Lightcap kind of walked in on them. Maybe a bit of both - Chuck hates being unprofessional, at least where it concerns his job.

"Don't worry, we're in no hurry." Doc Lightcap replies in that reassuring tone she's somehow really good at. Raleigh spots Dr Gottlieb in the back of the lab by the huge blackboards that cover one wall of the very spacious room. There are legs sticking out under the apparatus that they used to drift last time, they can only belong to Newt. Raleigh is still a bit worried about the rather liberal application of duct tape on the drift machine. It's peeling in some spots, and that does not ease his discomfort at all.

"You want us to lie down again?" Chuck asks, indicating the hospital beds next to the machine with a jerk of his chin.

"Oh no, we'll head over to the simulator." Doc Lightcap replies while gathering whatever she deems necessary for the experiment. "I want you to go through a normal simulation, including a battle situation. Then I'd like you, Raleigh, to do the same thing with Ms Mori tomorrow." 

"What's the goal?" Raleigh asks curiously. He didn't expect that they'd do a sim.

"It's twofold. For once, I want to see if there is any neural damage that might interfere with your drift under normal circumstances as you would encounter in battle. Therefore I need a standard setting, and obviously you need to be conscious. It's a different purpose than your last drift with Chuck." Doc Lightcap explains patiently while heading over to the exit of the lab. "Furthermore we want to compare how your brain works in connection with your perfect match versus a normally linked pilot. I can't compare the results if we use the drift machine because Ms Mori can't use it with you due to you two not being a perfect match. So I need the same setting, meaning a simulation with a Jaeger as a third entity to complete the drift triangle."

"Makes sense." Chuck admits. Raleigh notices that he put Gipsy in the breast pocket of his jacket, she's peeking out at the top, the chain fastened to the button hole so that she can't get lost. He can't help smiling at the sight.

"So basically we'll do a standard simulation just like the first time you drifted. The only difference is that I'll supervise today's and tomorrow's drift and we'll gather all kinds of data that's normally not collected. We want to compare your drifts with Pentecost's and Hansen's. We cannot do this experiment with them because we have the very strong suspicion that drifting with anybody but his perfect match would seriously harm Marshal Pentecost, maybe even kill him. In order to test that theory, we need your drift data. As you know, Raleigh, you're closest to Pentecost's condition considering that both of you have piloted solo."

Raleigh nods while he and Chuck follow Doc Lightcap out of the drift lab and down the hallway. "So you try to recreate the situation with me to find out what would happen to him in order to assess a possible course of action."

"Pretty much. We especially want to figure out which things he absolutely _mustn't_ do." Doc Lightcap replies earnestly. "His brain is in a dangerously fragile state driftwise, so in order to be able to tell what he can do and in which capacity he can serve in the future, we need to define the limits without causing any more damage." 

"You mean whether he'll be able to pilot again." Chuck clarifies, never one to hold back. 

Doc Lightcap nods at Chuck before she stops in front of the main elevator and pushes the call button. "Yes, among other things. I'm sure you understand not only his urge to pilot again, but also what an incredibly high value another perfect match has for the PPDC. If we already had three perfect matches to defend the planet once the next Kaiju attack comes, we'd be at a clear advantage." 

When they're in the elevator, Doc Lightcap pushes the buttons for two different levels before she turns towards them. "Please change into your drivesuits and then come to the simulator. The techs in the drivesuit room are expecting you." 

"See you in a bit, Doc." Chuck says with a casual nod when she gets off at the simulator control level while Chuck and Raleigh continue up to the drivesuit room. She gives them a quick wave and proceeds down the hallway as the doors close again. It only takes a few seconds before they open again to release Raleigh and Chuck into the corridor leading towards the drivesuit room and the attached changing room. It's not the same rooms that served them before Operation Pitfall. Just like each Jaeger bay, the simulator has its own set of infrastructure, and Raleigh remembers only too well what happened the last time he and Chuck were in here. 

When he's hit with a wave of arousal, he realises that he's not the only one to remember. There's the odd image and sensation coming over the ghost drift while they walk down the corridor. Raleigh turns to Chuck who's looking straight ahead as if nothing is going on, but there's a distinctive red shimmer to his cheeks. He's obviously trying to behave professionally in face of their task, and Raleigh smirks, tempted to send him a sensual memory of what happened in the decontamination showers.

Chuck turns to glare at him, obviously well aware what Raleigh is thinking. "Don't, Rals. I'd like to remind you of two things: drivesuit speedos and tons of J-techs."

Raleigh swallows hard. "Good argument." 

"I know." Chuck looks smug, but at the same time pained. It looks quite funny and Raleigh would be laughing if he wasn't kind of dreading the speedo right now. It really doesn't hide a thing, and definitely not a full grown boner. 

"So, no naughty images at this time." Raleigh offers almost reluctantly. He's still tempted, he likes seeing Chuck all flustered, but he's also well aware that Chuck will not hesitate to repay him in kind. It's not appropriate thing to do in the middle of suiting up with dozens of J-Techs around.

Chuck smirks. "Well, not until _after_ the sim."

Raleigh can't hold back the chuckle. "Now that's a promise."

"Be careful, Rals, I can fight dirty, too." Chuck warns him with one eyebrow raised in challenge.

"I'm looking forward to it." Raleigh grins in clear acceptance of the challenge. Chuck doesn't get the chance to reply anything because the doors to the drivesuit room open right before them and then they're engulfed in the hustle of pre-battle preparations. They head to the changing rooms and quickly change into the drivesuit speedos, then the crew suits them up in their usual efficiency. They've all done it hundreds of times, and Raleigh can't help falling into the routine. It calms him at the same time that it excites him, his body vibrating with the anticipation to get in the Conn-Pod. He feels the same emotions coming from Chuck over their connection and Raleigh smiles at the prospect of finally drifting with Chuck again. Well, while he's actually awake and remembers what happens.

It takes only a few minutes, then Raleigh and Chuck enter the simulator's Conn-Pod. The techs follow them inside to strap them into the harnesses, then they leave and the door is closed behind them. 

"Gentlemen, how are you doing?" Doc Lightcap's voice comes over the comms, and it feels strange not to hear Tendo instead.

"We're all set, Doc." Chuck replies, immediately taking over the communication, just like he did last time.

"Just so you know how what to expect: I'll initiate the neural handshake, then I'll ask you to do a few exercises and afterwards you'll be going through a battle simulation. I'll be recording some additional data beyond the standard surveillance, but you won't notice any of that."

"Copy that." Chuck acknowledges, all professional now.

"Gipsy Danger, get ready for the drop." The Doc suddenly sounds like a LOCCENT officer, clear and calm and devoid of emotion, and Raleigh can't help wondering how many simulations and real battles she has already managed. Considering her background, probably a lot.

"Ready." Chuck confirms and the simulator rocks in the very convincing way a real Conn-Pod does when released from its clamps. Raleigh effortlessly holds his posture, then he feels the head connect with the body.

"Cuff link confirmed." Doc Lightcap announces. "Gipsy Danger, ready for the initiation of the drift?"

"We're ready, LOCCENT." Chuck turns to look at Raleigh with a smile that clearly shows how much he's looking forward to the drift, and Raleigh can't help smiling back. He feels Chuck's anticipation, warm and excited and contagious.

"Neural handshake in ten - nine - eight - seven..." 

Raleigh focusses all his senses on Chuck and simultaneously clears his mind. He can feel Chuck doing the same thing, it's a routine that almost all pilots do before the drift is initiated. It's not something the academy actually teaches you, it can't really be taught. It comes naturally for most of them, it's just what feels right.

"...three - two..." 

There's nothing but Chuck now, it feels like he's physically close although they're separated by the distance between their respective harnesses.

"...one..."

As always, the first millisecond of the drift feel like a carousel of sensations and emotions, too many to really take them in. They pass you by and then drag you along like a powerful river, but if you're comfortable with your drift partner, you feel totally safe in that current. Raleigh allows himself to sink into the river of Chuck's memories and that's when he sees it, all the things Herc told Chuck after lunch. 

Raleigh sees Herc through Chuck's eyes, how he's asking Chuck to come to their formerly shared quarters which Herc hasn't officially moved out yet but which he hasn't used in weeks. He sees Herc pacing nervously in the middle of the room, he can tell that the man doesn't know where to start with whatever it is he has to say. He sees Herc straighten his shoulders as if he's fortifying himself for what's coming, as if he's expecting a blow of some kind. He feels Chuck's guilt at knowing his dad's behaviour is his fault. 

He hears Herc tell Chuck about Pentecost's drift-dream world, about the things his subconsciousness made up to allow him to heal during his time in coma. He learns about the family Pentecost wished them to be, him, Herc, Mako and Chuck, how he would have wanted their childhood to be. Raleigh is surprised to hear the hitch in Herc's voice when he talks about Pentecost's sister and his former co-pilot Tamsin Sevier, when he tells Chuck that they were part of their little family. He observes how Chuck remains quiet throughout Herc's disclosure, in equal measure touched and stunned. He feels Chuck's confusion and surprise at all these revelations, at the fact that Pentecost would have wanted _him_ , _Chuck_ , to be part of his family. At the fact that this means so much to his dad that talking about it makes him so emotional that Chuck can for once read him like an open book. 

The most prominent feeling, though, is that Chuck doesn't actually know _how_ to feel about it. He's unsure about how to deal with all the things he learned and it seems that he finds a measure of relief in sharing his confusion with Raleigh. It may feel like minutes, but the memory takes only a second to pass through Raleigh, then he witnesses others followed by his mind clearing to the established drift. He turns to look at Chuck who's already facing him, and it feels amazing to be in his head again, to need no words at all to share everything.

"Neural handshake at 100% and stable." Doc Lightcap's voice comes almost as a surprise and jerks Raleigh out of the bubble he was in. "Everything looks good so far. Are you ready for some exercises, gentlemen?"

"We're ready, LOCCENT." Chuck replies over the comms, back to his professional self. The Doc begins with some easy tasks like moving only specific part of the Jaeger, from a limb to a finger or the head. She has them make almost acrobatic figures that get more complicated the longer the exercise goes on, obviously to test not only how their brains work together but also in how far the complexity of the moves mirrors in their brain activity. Raleigh finds it relaxing and fun at the same time, it's not really difficult to comply to the Doc's demands. He feels that Chuck is also clearly enjoying himself. 

That pleasure only increases when Doc Lightcap sends them into a battle simulation that has them defend Taipei from two Kaiju that are definitely based on the evolved creatures they've encountered by the Breach. It's a rough and exhausting battle, but they make it in the end and have both Kaiju reduced to pieces. Raleigh is grinning like mad, brimming with satisfaction when they're done, and he's not sure whether it's his or Chuck's feelings because they're one, all mixed up and just perfect.

"Great job, gentlemen." Doc Lightcap sounds like her normal self again, and she's definitely pleased. "Ready to disengage neural handshake?"

 _I don't want to lose the connection_ , Raleigh finds himself thinking, but the voice in his head sounds like Chuck's. It's a thought they share, Raleigh realises, they both had it at the same time, and it makes him look over to Chuck who's suddenly much more subdued than he was a few moments ago. 

"Ready." Chuck confirms almost mechanically because he knows he has to, because he's aware that they can't stay in the drift forever although he'd like to, there's so much he-

And then he's gone, followed by the feeling of loss and confusion that Raleigh is familiar with after years of drifting. It's more powerful with Chuck than with all his other drift partners, probably due to the fact that their connection is a lot stronger as a perfect match. It's a relief to feel the drift hangover establish after a minute or two, slowly filling the hole the disconnected drift left behind. The ghost drift is filled with Chuck's confusion again, the same feeling that Raleigh picked up after he experienced Chuck's memory of his conversation with his dad, only that it's dulled now that the clarity of the drift is gone.

Chuck is silent when they get out of the Conn-Pod. Doc Lightcap is waiting for them outside the drivesuit room and she immediately picks up on the fact that something must have happened in the drift. When she looks at Raleigh with an enquiring gaze, he gives a quick shake of his head to indicate that it's nothing bad and nothing relevant for the experiment. She nods and dismisses them with a reassuring smile, but not before asking Raleigh to be back by nine o'clock the next morning for his drift with Mako.

Chuck is back to brooding, Raleigh can tell that effortlessly even without the clarity of the drift, and he stays that way all throughout the process of the techs freeing them from their drivesuits. At least I don't have to worry about an inappropriate boner, Raleigh can't help thinking while he's turning in whatever direction the techs tell him to. Chuck is done before Raleigh and he heads to the decontamination showers with just a quick glance back at Raleigh before he disappears around the corner of the narrow corridor. Raleigh sighs. He'll have to ease Chuck out of his weird headspace and back into reality. Maybe it helps to have someone talk to him who's not part of his current drama. That'll be Raleigh, then, because he's not involved with Herc and Pentecost and their little family of four with Chuck and Mako. A family that never clearly manifested as such, as far as Raleigh can tell, which is probably exactly why Chuck is so confused and uneasy right now. He likes clear structures, and his family is anything but clear and structured. 

Raleigh waits a little impatiently for the techs to finish peeling him out of the circuitry suit, feeling the fresh circuitry burns on his right arm itch and sting unpleasantly. He doesn't want to give Chuck the chance to evade him, and the longer this takes, the likelier it is that Chuck is already dressed and ready to disappear before Raleigh can corner him. As soon as he's freed of the last piece of his drivesuit, Raleigh hurries over to the changing room. He's relieved to find Chuck's neatly folded pile of clothes on the bench right where he left it with its owner nowhere in sight. Next to the clothes sits the messy ball of the bandage that's usually covering the circuitry burns on Chuck's right arm but that he had to take off for the drift test. That means he's still in the showers where Raleigh can corner him easily.

Raleigh strips off the drivesuit speedo, grabs a towel and hangs it on the hook next to Chuck's towel right by the entrance to the showers. He can hear the water running even before he rounds the corner. To his surprise he doesn't find Chuck hurrying through his washing routine in order to escape. Instead he's braced with his arms against the tiled wall, his head hanging between his shoulders and the water raining down on him. The room is already filling up with steam which lets Raleigh know how hot the water has to be. The slowly healing circuitry burns on Chuck's right arm stand out in a vivid red against his skin, irritated by the pressure and the high temperature of the water. It doesn't look like Chuck has even begun washing, more like he just came in here and stood under the spray without moving since.

Okay, so this is serious. Raleigh opens his side of the ghost drift even more and tries to pick up what mood Chuck is in because that'll define how he will approach him. Chuck may be more open and agreeable with Raleigh than with other people, but Raleigh isn't naive enough to think that Chuck's character has changed. He's still volatile, and he'll blow up in Raleigh's face just as much as in anybody else's if the situation arises. But Raleigh doesn't get feelings of aggression or anger over their connection, it's more a murky mix of confusion, unease, wariness and insecurity. 

It seems that the shower is where most of their deep, meaningful conversations take place, Raleigh thinks and walks over to where Chuck is standing under the spray. So why not continue the tradition? It worked well so far, maybe it'll work now, too. Because it's obvious that Chuck needs to get this off his chest. Or maybe he just needs a bit of help working his way through a revelation or two. 

Raleigh touches his hand to Chuck's shoulder when he reaches him. It's more a way to make his presence known than a real touch, although Raleigh knows Chuck has always been aware that he's in the room. Chuck reacts in so far that he stands up, pushes himself off the wall and lowers his hands. Raleigh steps past him to grab the shampoo and shower gel bottle and squeeze some of the liquid into his palm, then he begins to spread it in Chuck's hair with slow movement that are mostly caresses. The shampoo and shower gel liquid in the decontamination showers is specifically designed to counteract the sticky relay gel, but Raleigh always like the fresh citrus smell of it. The scent begins to spread in the room, carried by the steam of the hot water, and the longer Raleigh massages Chuck's head, the more he feels him relax into his touch.

He's almost caught by surprise when Chuck suddenly leans against him, resting with his back against Raleigh's front and letting his head sink down on his right shoulder. Raleigh feels him take a deep breath that escapes with an audible sigh. 

"Want to talk about it?" Raleigh asks quietly against Chuck's ear, allowing his hands to pass over Chuck's arms, down to his sides and then he wraps his arms around Chuck's waist. He's careful to keep his touch extra light when he comes to the fresh burns, but he still feels the echo of the pain in his own arm. The hot water is now cascading over both of them, slowly washing away the shampoo and shower gel.

"Don't know." Chuck sighs again, and it sounds like he's a bit annoyed with himself.

"Don't know if you want to talk or don't know where to start?" Raleigh lets his fingers draw a meaningless pattern on Chuck's belly and feels him melt a bit more into his arms.

"The latter, I think." Chuck replies after a moment, as if he needed time to think about his answer. His hands are reaching behind him now to pass over the outside of Raleigh's thighs, a slow movement that seems almost unconscious, just a manifestation of his need to touch Raleigh.

"Just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind." Raleigh offers, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the running water. "I saw what your dad told you, so you don't need to tell me what happened. Just what's on your mind."

Chuck is quiet for a minute or two. Raleigh can tell he's sorting through his thoughts to decide where he wants to start and Raleigh lets him take his time, knowing that it's best to let Chuck talk on his own time. 

"Why would he want me as part of his family?" It's like the words suddenly break out of Chuck, as if they've been turned over in his mind way too many times and finally need to get out. "It's _his_ perfect world, so why would he want _me_ in it? My dad, sure, I get that, but _me_? We were never that close. Or, you know, close at all."

Raleigh knows he's talking about Pentecost although Chuck never said his name. He's also not surprised that this is what bugs Chuck the most. Maybe it's time to open Chuck's eyes to some things he never wanted to see. "Why are you surprised?" 

Chuck shrugs in Raleigh's arms. "I didn't think he cared that much. It's not like he ever tried to get close to me."

Yeah, no surprise, Raleigh thinks and tightens his arms around Chuck. "Don't take this the wrong way, Charlie, but I can tell you from personal experience that it's not exactly easy to get close to you. I dare say that wasn't much better when you were younger. Most likely it was even worse at the time Pentecost came into your life."

Chuck just shrugs again, which is as much of a confirmation as Raleigh is ever going to get, so he continues. "If you're entirely honest, would you ever have let him come close?"

Chuck hesitates a moment, then he admits, "Probably not."

"Pentecost isn't stupid, Charlie. He knew that any approach he made towards you would have been met by scalding rejection. Especially if you had known that he's your dad's partner." Raleigh feels Chuck tense in his arms and presses a kiss to his shoulder to sooth him. "Think about it. It was just over a year after your mom died. You would never have accepted anyone that you thought was trying to take her place."

Chuck doesn't reply, and it takes a few minutes before the tension eases out of his frame again. Raleigh makes sure to keep up his slow caresses and gives Chuck the time he needs to think about his words. They're not meant as a criticism, but a nudge towards understanding why things happened the way they did. 

"So," Chuck says with a pensive, almost careful note to his voice, "you're saying that he knew he never stood a chance because I would have always seen him as an imposter trying to take my mum's place." 

"You're the son of his perfect match, Charlie. He knows that you're crucial to your dad's happiness, so of course he would want to include you in his life. If I know anything about Pentecost, it's that he doesn't shy away from a challenge, so if he had seen any chance to get to know you, he would have tried." Raleigh presses a kiss behind Chuck's ear. "But if he knew that trying would only make things worse, then he would have let it be." 

Raleigh feels Chuck take a deep breath, but instead of the fierce defence Raleigh expects, Chuck only lets it out slowly as if to calm himself. He repeats it a second time, then he admits, "I would have thought that he tried to take my mum's place. I don't anymore, but back then, I would have."

"I don't think he ever did try to take her place, Charlie. Through his drifts with your dad he must have seen her through his eyes, with his feeling overlying the memory. If anything, he would have understood why your dad loved her so much." Raleigh is relieved that Chuck is still listening without getting defensive. When he decided to breach this topic, Raleigh had known that it was a sore spot and that Chuck might take it the wrong way. That he doesn't is a sign that he must have thought about it a lot, and that Herc's words had a lot more of an impact than he probably ever expected. "I may not know your dad very well, and most of what I know comes through your memories, but he always struck me as a one-person kind of guy who's fiercely loyal to those he loves. That includes your mom, and I don't think that her death changed that."

"No, it didn't." Chuck confirms quietly and surprises Raleigh with his open acknowledgement, "I've seen it in the drift with my dad. I'm not sure he knows I did."

"So what's your issue with Pentecost's drift-dream world, Charlie?" Raleigh decides to push it and confront the actual problem while Chuck is in this reflective, almost open-minded mood. "That you suddenly realise that you had a family all along, and you never acknowledged it?"

The reaction is immediate and exactly what Raleigh expected. "They're not my-"

"Come on, Charlie, I've been in your head." Raleigh interrupts him before Chuck can deny it. "I know that you consider Mako your sister. You may have never told her, but it's how you think of her. So by default that makes you, her, your dad and Pentecost your family. And don't forget that I have drifted with Mako, too, so I know that she thinks of you as her brother."

Chuck has tenses up again, but he's not making any attempt to move out of Raleigh's arms. He's even still leaning against him, there's just a general tension in his entire body.

"That's the issue here, isn't it?" Raleigh probes gently, hoping that he won't push Chuck into a corner that will make him get defensive. "You're afraid of losing them like you lost your mom. You always have been." 

Chuck doesn't make any move to speak. Raleigh feels the turmoil of Chuck's emotions over the ghost drift, painful and twisted and almost choking him, but he thinks it's necessary to go on. 

"So you thought it was easier to just pretend you didn't care about them. That if you didn't let them come close, losing them wouldn't hurt so much." Raleigh continues with a gentle voice. Chuck is still silent, but his breathing has sped up and he's even more tense than before. "You notice it doesn't work that way, don't you?"

For a few seconds Chuck remains stiff and unmoving, then he sighs heavily and all the tension seeps out of his body as if somebody cut his strings. He suddenly sinks with all his weight against Raleigh before admitting in a weary voice, "Yeah, I noticed."

Raleigh does his best to hold Chuck up, fighting with the additional weight that especially his left arm is not ready to support. Chuck seems to pick up on his struggle and gets his feet back under him, carrying most of his own weight without ever putting any distance between his and Raleigh's body. To the contrary, it feels like he's melting even more into Raleigh's embrace, soaking up the closeness and the comfort.

"You're not alone, Charlie. No matter what you think, no matter how much of a jerk you are, you always have a family." Raleigh leans in and nuzzles Chuck's cheek, enjoying the way he leans into the touch. "You have your dad, Pentecost and Mako. And now, you've got me, too. I might be a bit of an idiot sometimes, but I won't ever leave you. You're _my_ jerk, after all, and guess that makes me _your_ idiot."

Chuck turns his head with a soft chuckle so that he can press a gentle kiss on Raleigh's lips. "Works for me."

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't like doing this, but here I am, begging for a wee feedback because not only does it make my day, but it also makes me feel appreciated. There's a lot of work, time and love going into these fics, so please, if you feel like it, let me know what you think! You'd make me a happy wee cookie! ^_^


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